okay..

people keep asking me are you okay?

how are you doing.

what im i supposed to say ooh yeah im great

my life has been amazing since i got dumped. which no lie it has. i got a new car. my job is going great. i have met new people. might finally get a teaching job.

but even though all these good things are happens im not okay im not happy. i feel like im living life with a hole in my chest. i see you and god dam it your are so amazing. the way you work with such passion and the way you look at me. ooh that look you give me makes my whole body tremble. i wish i could talk to you. say hey how are you. but im so scared that you are going to ignore me or cut me out of your life completely.

people always tell me time heals everything. but to be honest that not the case for me. time has not healed me or made things better. maybe its just because of the way i am. but its just made things worse. i feel like there’s only so much more i can take. i’m walking around with a shield. i don’t think im going to let anyone in anymore. not after you. i am not ready to get hurt again.

the best part of all this is that i don’t hate you. not one bit. you are such an amazing person. and i wish you nothing but the best. you gave me hope and taught me that i don’t need someone holding my hand 24/7. i can do things on my own.

i just wish we could be friends again… and maybe thats too much to ask for…..

maybe one day